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OK you Martherfarkars, eet ees sheet or burrsstt timme. Unless I receive at least 100,000 Turkish Lire by this time next week, the Tour Log is OFF! Capristi? (OK, I don't know Swedish. In fact I don't know what that word means courtesy of Davitt Bailey, sorry Salt,) so even though ich bin ein comachameleon, which was written by Geezer George I feel honour bound to tell anyone reading how life is chez le Quo French Bastardos Martherfarkers, which brings me neatly back to square one. Right, where was I ?
Berlin, is a rockin' city, I saw a girl with one big zitty, but she was happy, not feeling sad, she had bumwipes, in her bag, she was toothless, but not for long, her dentures, were hangin' on (to the tune of the Gorilla's thingy) Hey, we were OK, it's a whileago, knowharrimean? It wasn't bad, but then we never are... On to Bremen, stuffed dummies for punters, difficult to get it up, hey, what did we do? it needed a last minute equaliser, which, if my memory serves me well, was ITAN in the encore, which was nice... Onwards to Switzerland, and the Soudarena Festival... Clawfinger. What can I say? Rick and myself are beeg faans. They were f****** amazing ( I was going to say they were fucking amazing, as I can't think of another word to describe how good they were, in mine and Rick's opinions, of course), but the great thing when you got a band like that to follow, you got to walk it like you talk it... lots of work went into that show, and as usual the Swiss proved they are a force to be reckoned with in the Rock and Roll hall of Fame top billy award. We were the Status Quo that night Ladeees and Gentelmen, money well spent, I can assure you... 
Next stop Vaduz, Lichtenstein, or sommat like that, bizzarre gig, in the middle of town, again, big crowd, you love us, we love you. We were also in 4 countries in 24 hours, common for someone who lives around there, but quite novel for us. I still love this touring, y'know and don't any Martherfarker foorgeet eet, did I say Martharfarker,?Ohmygawd, there's square one again, hugs and kisses from RP and FR, luv you luvvies, xxxx
PS.We are the road crew...... There's more days off than we've ever had on this tour, and being in Germany, that does make things a trifle dangerous, as the beer is sooo bad, my brain is actually sitting beside me in a swathe of cotton wool as I'm writing, recovering from a rather large bout of alcoholic poisoning. Hanover... Such great billy, and lots of 'em. That Matt is whacking up a storm, I never seen anyone sweat so much, even TTFAP (Mr. Hirsh) got a little damp, but we won't go into that here.... On to Nurnberg, the most beautiful out doorish gig. I mean it had a roof, but no sides, but we were about a mile from the Billy, so a little hard. We've got a German singer called Pit opening up for us, top chappie as well. We also had some band called Toprock or something at one gig, Emden) big in Germany I hear, but I just didn't get it... Bocholt was next, a football ground with the mighty, and so young I thought they might still be in nappies, Echt (German teeny/indie/alternative/pop/I'm toooldtounderstandthem type band), and Sacha, who I did understand, didn't like, but he was shit hot, as were his band...Good idea, the billing though... Quite a cheap ticket, and literally ladies and gentlemen, fun for all the family, a musical extravaganza spanning 2/3 generations, and they had a heck of lot of people in, we've never played to so many teenagers. Lovely... Plus which we tore it up, big stylie. 
Next day, same line up in Mechede, but the cloud found us. Bollocks. Plus we actually had to stop the gig while security chucked some asshole out, have a drink, get shitfaced, but don't spoil it for others. What right do you have to do that?
Dresden. Thin sound, we were not v. good... C+ and see me after class. Overnight into 2 days off in the beautiful city of Ulm, where we had the Company summer outing, which was a barbeque for everyone on the tour, by the banks of the River Danube. It was all beautifully organised by Mrs. Lyane Worsfold, and Mr. David Salt, and enjoyed by all present, especially Mr. J. Edwrads, and Mr. R.P. Parfitt, who almost became Mr. RIP. Parfitt, as he and Mr. Ed. were so sacked up the next day they couldn't, well, just couldn't... Mr. Salt, however there's another story, which you'll never hear... Gundelfingen, great location, by a lake, 7/10, all these days off make you very rusty. Guess what? Another day off, then we played a brewery, what a drag. The Wernesgruner beer company headquarters, in a courtyard, not a good sound, except for me the bass was like a ship's foghorn, I saw grown men and women throwing up when I hit an especially potent low F... Lovely. Emden. That funny band I just don't get supported, a total Sauna, great gig, Dutch nutters, rock and roll... Sunday's gig-cancelled. Monday- bad headache... We played Esslingen last night, in another half and half, great billy, top totty, not a bad life really... Martherfarker go 'way now, thee youxx  XXXXXXX
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