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You may already have noticed my somewhat sombre tone in my scribblings. That's because I have GIVEN UP DRINKING!!!!!! Yesirree, Rhino the wino is now Rhino buy no wino; and no, I've not changed to beer instead, and you know what? I feel loads better for it. And you know what? I am SO BORED, and I only stopped 20 minutes ago. Actually, a big 5 days, You didn't need that extra information anyway, so, without further ado, from my room at the Bayerischer Hof hotel in Munich, which I must say is awfully nice, here is the Gospel according to St. Edwards. Sounds good that, doesn't it? Do me a favour, someone have a word with that Pope geeser, I mean at least one of you must know him, get me beautified, but there's no rush for the sainthood as I ain't brown (brown bread-dead) yet.. Soooo... Lights! Camera! Action! Lansberg. Can't remember A THING! Next! Leverkeusen. Good day, this. Got to the hotel, spot of lunch, then on to a chopper (helicopter, see arial pic above!) to Dusseldorf, to play Jam Side Down and RAOTW... See - I do look at the message board occasionally. One thing I did notice, which amazed me, was the furore about the lyrics on the Oriental. The Oriental was never indented to be taken seriously, and, to be honest, I fail to see how anyone could be offended. Stupid, most definitely, racist or sexist, no. I really do have a penchant for Oriental women, plus which it's my fave rave on Heavy Traffic. If it were down to me, which it isn't, it would be a single. If you find it offensive, just skip the track when you play the album, because Heavy Traffic is serious. 
Where was I? Oh yeah, being a rock star, the gig was at the finals of the World Bowl American football tournament, a really spectacular event, 52,00 billy, must say a special thanks to the organisers for asking us, a really memorable do, fantastic atmosphere. And those cheerleaders, cripes!
Then back on the chopper to a sold out, boiling hot gig to 3000 crazy Germans and loads of Dutch Nutters, who also made a hell of a din, not a bad life really. Got totally shitfaced afterwards, which of course I don't do now. Then it was off to Kundelsau, for quite a strange one in a factory yard, with Slade And Leo Sayer. Some of my mates, the ubiquitous Ronnie Johnson, Geoff Dunn and Phil Mulford were in Leo's band, so a good time was had by all. Leo Sayer might not be your cup of tea, but I have to tell you folks, he was dead good, that boy can really sing, and the band (my mates) were amazing. They paid me to say that... A thunderstorm was looming all evening, and I thought the cloud had found us, but as it got in range we finished. HA! And boy, did it piss down on our way to our next show, Saarbrucken, but hey, who cares? Final score: Cloud 0, The Status Quo 1 The gig in Saarbruken was memorable, not for the right reasons. The local promoter ran off with the cash quite early on, so there was no advertising, and as a result there were 513 people in the hall to see us. I love a small crowd, but not when it's in a room which is supposed to hold 2800, still those that came got their money's worth, not fair otherwise, is it? On to Augsberg, nr. Munich, beautiful day, got to gig, bus took the wrong turning round the side of the gig, and the early billy had a good view of our bus, (driven by the lovely Ewen, what a top bloke and brilliant driver he is. No, really) reversing, turning, driving, reversing, turning, you get the picture for 45 minutes. Only needed Tommy Cooper or someone guiding us in to complete the comedy, OK you had to be there, but it made me laugh. 
The next one, and last of this bit, was a festival in Austria, right down near Slovenia. Middle of nowhere, they were expecting 12000 billy, I thought there was no way 12000 people would turn up, but turn up they did, and they were a truly fantastic audience, it was a real pleasure to entertain them. There was actually 12002. The Dutch Headbang animals, as they are affectionately known, had driven 800 kilometres from home in Holland, and were going back home straight after. Stout fellows.. Also had a couple of mails from people who had cone from Slovenia to see us, they were so thrilled to have actually seen Status Quo down their way, made me feel kind of humble ladies and gentlemen. Here's to Austria, the cleanest country I have ever been to, plus of course they make Gosser beer, one of the finest brews. We drove home while the world cup final was on, hard luck Germany, although the Brazilian cheats were always going to win. Can't forgive that bloke Rivaldo, tarnished the World Cup for me, but maybe I'm getting old. Home after that, to film the One and Only Rockumentary with exclusive live, and "behind the scenes" footage, WOW!!! That was great fun, lots of familiar faces, although we didn't play as well as we could have, or so I thought at the time. I wasn't going to watch it, as I hate seeing me on the box (so do you, before you get that one in), but I came home from picking up my mum (she hadn't fallen over, arf arf) to come round for tea, what a good son I am, and the kids were watching it, so I forced myself to squirm all the way through the last half an hour, and I must say we really really rocked, Paxman did his usual excellent job (lendusafiverMike) And this Rhino was totally impressed. Straight from there, home, where of course I got shitfaced, but that's all behind me (cont'd page 94). First thing next morning 5.45am leave actually, straight to Sweden to play at the Sundsvall festival, held in the town centre, with the big telly screens and everyfink in it. Beautiful location. Some quite bizarre Swedish bands on before us, not a clue who they were, met up with Smick, who used to work for us before he moved to Sweden. Quo gave him that moniker. When he started with us, the GOMORR asked him his name. "S'Mick" he replied. " Right, Smick it is then" said Francis, and that one sure did stick, was in '86 that. Anyway, FARKAFF!! 
Rhinoid Edwards, (49, nearly 49 and a half)
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