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We are knackered. End of. It's just after the second Ipswich show, I'm just the 390 gigs behind in my totally INTERESTING tour log, and I am indeed much needing of a catchuptypething, so here we are...Folkestone.. UTI and father at soundcheck, various Salt family members, crap venue, 2 very Doric looking pillars on stage, writing about a tour is dead hard when you play the same venue 2 years running, as I'm sure I mentioned the 2 Doric pillars on the stage last time, so I won't. What I do remember is buying Lottery tickets here last year, as I in fact won the Lottery with the ticket I bought. I know, money comes to money, and I expect you're wondering why I still bother with all this band nonsense, well I do it because I like it , not for the money. Now you know, my secret is out, peasants, that tenner has seen me through thick and thin, and 4 pints of lager to celebrate my win, I could keep on making rhymes, but it would be a sin, specially considering the state I am in, in fact things could get a little thin, so in fact you must, John, begin the begin (ah?). Sorry, the gig... A bit quiet billy wise, but 1907 happy souls went home thinking that spending their hard earned cash on us was money well spent, I can assure you. Quick digression. Even in England you can forget what day it is and where you are, Mr.D. Salt, rector of Margate parish, and myself were in Bradford ( I know now) when I asked him what day of the week it was, and where we'd played the night before. It took us about a minute to work it out, and I ain't jesting, realty can easily go out of the window when you're in the bubble, got carried away there. On to Oxford, got into town at 4.20, got to gig 5.30, nice of them to let us know they'd completely changed the one way system, or Shitstem, as I think Rage against the Machine once said. Wow, how radical... Maybe they've been to Oxford... You know what I think is cool? Well I'm gonna tell ya... Lots of billy I haven't seen in years have been coming to gigs on this tour, because they LOVE Heavy Traffic. I had strong reservations about Mr. Paxman's mixes when I heard the finished article, was I wrong! It's rough as a badger's arse, and all the better for it, and that's actually a compliment, it sounds as it was. Could have done 2 nights, but we never... so crap backstage you wouldn't believe it, but I'm a professional, I'll rise above it (copyright Spinal Tap) on to Nottingham, I went to the caves there, if you're ever there, give it a go, England was a pretty shitty old place to live, and WE ARE THE LUCKY GENERATION.(except for George dubbya), I tell ya, puts it all into perspective (too much f*****' perspective. Again, copyright Spinal Tap.) Am I becoming like them, or is it my imagination? Only 'cos we're going to open the set tomorrow with "Christmas with the Devil") 
Great Friday night show, obviously billy is ready to rock more at weekends, unless you're at Brid, of which more later, Gerdundula is getting a bit silly, but good fun, we're putting Burning Bridges in most nights now, those that don't like it want testing. How can you dislike such an "up" song? Saturday off in Leicester, spent with young Matt at the Space centre there, absolutely wicked, GO THERE! De Montfort Hall, we'd cancelled twice, worst show of the tour for me, even worse than Grimsby, maybe it's because it was a Sunday but I hated every second of it, only me though, but as it's RHINO'S tour log, sit up and listen, martherfarkers. Just one of those nights, but, as I do the show without any monitoring, because my perforated eardrum (yes I know I am a tosser) is showing no sign of healing, I have to get off on the billy, which I normally do. Tonight I didn't, except for the Indian bloke with the Elvis hairstyle. He rocks! Anyway, the others, you know, those blokes with the guitars with too many strings and stuff enjoyed it... Croydon, just round the corner to God of Purley, lots of Rossis, token Edwardses (my daughter Mae, who did my guitar change in Gerdundula, and STILL hasn't been paid the fiver owing to her for that, MR. Salt... much better than last year, Crapmodem et al there... more of him another time. Southend, same as last year, rocked, drove in and out, did show... what's to say? That's why I give you the thoughts of chairman Rhino, a lone voice crying out in the wilderness of bubbledom... And then of course you get Cambridge, for me one of the great venues, shite sound in a big way, totally rocking audience, hotter than Hedes, and a brill night, only me I fear, but I love to rock, give me a strong cup of tea and the smell of armpit and I'm there. I just wrote that didn't I? Time to go, love from the planet Tharg, Cosmonaut Victori Edwardski, age 3 eons 28 parsecs. See you laters alligators xxxx P.S. This log appeared after the log after this log cos I forgot to send it in until after I sent in the last log after this, which is the real last log... got me? 
Francis and Andrew by Barry Colquhoun Rick by Simon Cooper |
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