Rhino's XS Tourlog
Part 5: Sober
Rhinee and Franee Did anyone see the mighty Bees on telly on Sunday? Possibly the worst game I have ever had the misfortune to watch, you can always count on the Bees to keep you on the edge of your seat or induce a deep coma, bit like me really. Right, as I am sober, on to business...

After a day at home, off to Brighton, city of beauty and drug related death capital of the UK (thought it was Spalding, but thatĎs slipped to second. Come on Spalding, donĎt let those Southern Jessies steal a march! Smoke that crack! Get some smack in! You know it makes sense! Have you no pride? Probably not actually). Popped round to the apartment of one Jeff Rich, whose name you might recognise, for a nice cup of tea and a chat, in fact he came to see the band that night, he told me afterwards it was a surreal experience at times, but I think he was impressed with what he saw. Which was us. Packed to the rafters, waiting on the chart position for Sunday, good to see Mr. Rich, it had been a while...(ooer, reading between the lines that must mean that Francis and Rick are in fact holograms, and Andrew is the lead trumpeter)

Next off to Naarch, went for a walk in the day round the hotel grounds. I asked for a map and the receptionist just told me I could go anywhere but the golf course. Lovely I thought, and ventured out. The area which was not golf course was a 1 metre wide path which went round the hotel and that was it. Not being one to give in, I decide to give it 20 laps. By the time Iíd walked past the residentsí lounge window for the third time in 4 minutes, I was becoming quite a feature, so in the end I was running past once, next time mincing, next reading a paper, next on the phone etc. passed a few minutes. I was particularly impressed with the generous round of applause from the guests in there when I finished with a bow on my 20th lap. I think Iím sober, but am beginning to doubt it.

The gig at the UEA was too small. I like a tiny shithole of a place, like I might choose to play with R****í* R*****. Albumís back in stock by the way, over at www.r*****r******.com, buy a copy for someone you donít like this Xmas.

No, really, a small gig is great, 2000 and upwards is a proper show, but 1600 in a room where at least 500 people couldnít have seen anything striokes (thatís Naarch for strikes) me as naff, but we didnít get any complaints, so I guess the billy must be used to the venue. We were deafening, and on the way out saw a poster for Motorhead at the same venue. Iím amazed the building was still standing when we got there! I love the T-shirt I bought of theirs, as Iím sure most of you know it says "everything louder than everything else" Love it. Congratulations` to Cyndy, my nuttiest fan, on becoming a grandparent again by the way.

Cambridge, told you I went to this anti social behaviour forum type thing didnít I? In a place called Haverhill. I know, how very un rock and roll, itís supposed to be about challenging the system etc. I agree, but to me anti social behaviour is those complete young tossers who think itís great to smash bus shelters and phone boxes, just mindless stuff. I donít really care about graffiti, soft drugs, loud music in cars etc. What I care about is mindless violence and alcohol abuse. Alcohol, is actually is the worst drug of all. How come itís legal when LSD ecstasy and cannabis arenít? I ainít condoning using them, but hey, you drop a pill you take your life in your hands. Not exactly rocket science, is it? Iím sure if you look at the figures for deaths from drugs, then from alcohol, itís probably about 20 to 1 on the drink side.

All I want is for me and my kids, in fact everyone to be able to walk the streets and not feel threatened. Anyway, thatís why I went, to help the forum get a bit of publicity, and to see what kids think, as it was a joint (har har) thing with the police and 2 schools. You know what? A lot of those kids have the same worries as me, as in violence etc. Anyway, I donít know where this is going, so Iíll move on. It was so great to come away from there (with my police escort of course, actually it was a Volvo. Oh mígod How bad was that?) knowing that 99 out of a hundred kids are great, just the one per cent of wankers who mess it up for all of them. (Shepherdís crook suddenly appears and pulls Rhino off his chair and out the window)

Sorry, Cambridge. Big interview for Rhinosite with Beth and co. Some really hard questions to answer, thanks a lot pals... By the time sheís typed it up should be about May. Long thin hall, thin sound, lots of people using the same hairdresser as Francis, walked around the outside of the gig when Billy was queuing, what a varied bunch you are. You had a great compliment paid to all of you by my brother in law. He really really doesnít like the band, but as his son (my nephew) is in TPF, he came to Wembley. I saw him the next day, and the first thing he told me was how much heíd enjoyed himself, not just Ďcos TPF were on, but that the Quo fans were such warm, friendly people. He spoke to loads of total strangers, and had a really great time. He goes to loads of gigs by the way, not a nerd, and also said the sheer enjoyment of everyone in the hall blew him away. Round of applause for yourselves folks.

Cambridge, hot, lots of jelly babies on the stage if my memory serves me well, first time for everything...

Day off, me and the Killer went to Llandudno a day early, so as to climb Snowdon. NOT on a gig day, as we did last year. Big mistake or what that was! Went up the Minersí and down the Pyg, which will mean lots to our Siberian reader (yes we do have one folks) Thatís actually the names of the trails up to the top. It was great again, if a tad tiring, just got pissed on non stop, were up in the clouds so lot of time view = what view? Near the top snow which was more like ice coming at 90 Degrees, but hey, enough of my yakkiní, letís climb! Loved it.
Rhinee and Andy
Next day went to Port Meirion, where they shot the Prisoner series in the 60s. What an amazing place, everyone should go there, check out their site www.portmeirion-village.com, then on to the gig in Llandudno, first of 2, apparently we could have done 4 nights, demand for tickets was so strong. And of course we sold out. Both really good shows, best reaction ever in this venue, which can have quite a sterile sound sometimes, bit like Southport, very polite, but not this time for some reason, on the second one, some bright spark had a big picture of Mr. Greedy, the one with the big stomach from the Mr. Men cartoon series, and had just written Rhino underneath. Cheeky bugger.

Went to Electric Mountain next day, a hydro electric power station dug into a mountain, spectacular it was indeed, love to Muriel, Pam and all the girls there, see you next time x. I have really fallen in love with North Wales, the people are lovely itís got some drop dead gorgeous scenery, now all they got to do is get a half decent rugby/football team and thatíll be grand.

Anyway, farewell from the most boring tour log ever. So boring I even didnít get to mention QZ, still, thereíll be other times. Adieu my darlings, parting is such sweet sorrow.
Is it bollocks.
(actually it is bollocks)

Photos by Dave Salt except Rhino in custody from Mark Jepson.

To Rhino's Tourlog Index

XS All areas Tourlog:
Part 1  |   Part 2  |   Part 3  |   Part 4   |   Part 5
Part 6  |   Part 7  |   Part 8  |   Part 9  |   Part 10  |   Part 11
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