Rhino's XS Tourlog
Part 8: Rub-a-dub-dub

Rub a Dub Dub Coeee! Only me, it's been a while, hasn't it? Probably a bit rusty here, still my razor sharp memory/ability to construct bullshit out of nothing will get me out of jail here. Actually, this is a tad bizarre, as I'm just about to barefacedly lie to you all, and tell you I remember everything about the last few shows of our extremely cold Scandinavian tour in deepest winter from a hotel in Munich, where it's 9.00 at night and still about 25 degrees Celsius. By the way, when and why did they change from Centigrade to Celsius? Bang out of order.

We have a day off today, so Matt and I went to Dachau. If you don't know what that is, go surf and find out more about it. All I will say is that if you ever need some perspective on your life, check it out and you will realise how f****** lucky we all are to live in these times, but more of that later, official (and well founded) rant coming...

Back to February, Friday the 11th to be precise, and a day off in Vasteras Sweden, which is where I began to write the song which has ended up on the new disc entitled V***** T****. That's not the album title but the song name by the way. Didn't take me long to start vacillating did it? Splitting hairs? The Sweeney Todd of the log, me. Good one for my Chilean reader that...

Vasteras gig. The best opening act you can get for Quo in my book is Dave Edmunds and his shit hot band.. Working with them is something special. Apart from the fact he and his band are TOP geezers it's a kind of musician thing. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to be a player to dig him (daddio) but he does have a certain groove about what he does that gets the old musicianly toe tapping without saying " Of course I could do better than that" which is a common trait amongst musicians, and believe me we are no exceptions.

Quo and Dave Edmunds Band
Quo and The Dave Edmunds Band
It's just special, Dave ain't ever going to be massive, he just does what he does, yeah I know one or four of you will say why didn't Quo, but we didn't, so that's that.. Anyway, he kicked some rockabilly ass, then we just kicked like only we can, you know what I mean.. sold out gig 4000 Swedes were in the words of the Mcshitburger chain lovin' it, such really really ugly people, specially the girls...

Funnily enough, next day, another song was started by the Rev. R. P. Parfitt which has also ended up on the new disc. It's called T*** I* M* That should help as to the title. One or 400,000 of you won't like it, but to be, as Simon von Portly might say, brutally honest, on this occasion I don't care. Rick and I have actually written a song with, "SHOCK HORROR BOTHAM ANTONIA LOOS SCANDAL" a deepish lyric. Anyway, that's another story, but as the album is only just finished it's very fresh in my mind. What's left of it, anyway.

Linkoeping. Long afternoon stroll downtown, met a bunch of our Swedish friends, nice chat with them, then down to business. Watched the Dave Edmunds band again, Geraint Watkins, who played on Don't Stop I think was on the pianoforte, the man from Barnes was caught masturbating whilst listening, he rocks!!

In this band, you always work as hard as you can, but when thereís a hot band on just before you ,it just gives you a head start on the adrenaline front in a funny way. So, Saturday night, it must be Sweden, and time to ROCK!!! I am getting to like this country more and more, which is nice... On to the last one of that bit, Oerebro, talk about freezing! (which I most definitely am not at the moment) Inches of snow everywhere, did you know Oerebro is the seventh largest city in Sweden? Well you do now, remember where you heard it foist. Circular hall, some great billy in there, what I meant was they liked me, so obviously possessed with impeccable taste. Rhino and Wim

By the way, completely digressing, earlier today one of my teeth fell out. I am officially long in the tooth, (I would be if I had any), but hopefully it will be replaced tomorrow, and no one will be any the wiser. Except you lot. I have taken a pitture, but it hasnít come out clearly, so I shall find the number of it from the dentist I will hopefully see in the morning, and let you know, so you can work it out for yourselves where it is/should have been/was. As I write, it is at the bottom of a bottle of Evian, for that is where it decided it wanted to go at very short (25 milliseconds) notice. Will continue in a while, but I am glad to see upon rereading this, that from time to time I am a nutter.

I still donít smoke by the way. If you want to pee me off, puff a fag lovingly in front of me. But remember, you look a prat, not me any morexxxxxxx So, on to Newcastle. I went home for 3 days, not all of us did, but there you go... Gig I remember the most for Rick having the most monumental hangover I have ever seen. Thatís right, you could see it, it was that bad. A goldfish bowel of a gig( I meant to write bowl, but what the heck), as in Billy is literally on top of you, the upstairs seats go all the way to the back of the stage, so any bald bits are evident, and as my son Freddie loves pointing out, I am apparently (ícos I canít see, can I dumbo!) in possession of one. Touchy? Moi?

On to Edinburgh, on the day when TWFMBFC were playing away at (then.arf arf) Premiership Southampton in the FA cup . I had to find a pub (which was really difficult in Edinburgh ) to listen to the game, because the radio people were at St. Mary's and the reception in the Usher Hall is shite. No, really it is. Bear with me, Iím getting there... Bloke radio (5 live) was covering the match, and when the TWFMBFC came from behind (nudge nudge) to 2-2, courtesy of a Sam Sodje bundlehometypething, I did me little dance. You donít see many of my celebration dances, luckily for you.

Right, Iím back. The reason for all this crap is that, for what itís worth, itís the first time ever for me that the Auld Reekie has out sung the Glaswegians, in all mah born days I never heard it so. Itís like Hibs beating Celtic, though of course they from time to time do, deep shit or what? Really rockin out I was. Fun gig for me, suit you madam, that little skirt starts late ends early... not as much fun for others, say no more squire. Wassthat?

I think I just kind of covered Glasgow, except to say that we are really vibed up about the SECC this year, letís give it some...

Aberdeen, last gig proper of tour, albeit 8 weeks late, sorry about that, canít be helped... 2 great acts on before us on all these 4 gigs, Mike Peters and Tokyo Dragons. They got up together at the end of Mikeís set and did the encore together, which did kick it I must admit.
Laura was there as I recall, hope you worked hard in your exams, or else thereíll be trouble!
Rant still to come, betcha canít wait!!
Love and flowers, tough cookie,
Sergeant Rhino

I shall return, sooner than you think martherfarkers. It only remains to say thanks once again for coming to see us, you crazy people, we love yaxxxxxxxx

Photos by Dave Salt

To Rhino's Tourlog Index

XS All areas Tourlog:
Part 1  |   Part 2  |   Part 3  |   Part 4  |   Part 5
Part 6  |   Part 7  |   Part 8  |   Part 9  |   Part 10  |   Part 11
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