Part 3: The UK tour... #1


Bloke goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he cooks he has this urge to deep fry everything, meat, vegetables and fruit in a pan of boiling oil.
"You're not ill" the doctor tells him "Just make sure you don't fritter you life away"
Ouch! ...Good for our Slovenian readers that one.

Doesn't time fly when you're enjoying yourself. Well I've heard it does, actually it has for me. I'm backstage, yeah man backstage with the real big rock show, groupies everywhere, back in a minute, some dude's just turned up with a kilo of cocaine, that should get me through til Monday. Aah that's better, hold on another minute willya, got 8 chicks outside all want a piece of me, know what I mean? Which piece would that be? Now you know why I'm called Rhino baby.

Right, I'll start again. Backstage at a freezing cold NEC and some 20 gigs to comment on, that's a bit of a tall order, however I can remember every one of them really clearly, of course I can. E.g. "We started with Caroline" So, Cambridge. 1st of tour, went up wiv me son Max. We took a walk round his college grounds and round town, it was lovely. I actually got quite sad when I thought of how little work I did as a schoolboy. In retrospect I reckon I'd have loved higher education, but the nearest I ever got to it was trying to get as high as possible, and, I have to say I passed all my exams with flying (sic) colours. Don't know what (sic) means by the way, but I think it looks good. Of course if I'd gone to Uni I definitely would have known EVERYTHING there is to know but when I was a lad, in about 1926, only the real bright kids went to University. Maybe later.

Anyway, enough of this feeling sorry for meself bit. We started with Caroline at Cambridge, I had an absolute porker of a gig, don't know why, but I phoned Max and told him I was crap, and he said no way dad, you really rock. That kind of thing means a lot you know?

On to our seemingly annual 2 nights at Ipswich, Ist one was fantastic, the first time I've ever seen the whole place standing, even the posh seats upstairs, I mean everyone. 2nd one - I don't get it. We played `the same songs (started with Caroline), played just as well as the first, and there were about 20 people standing upstairs, still, as Frank Zappa once memorably said, actually what did he say? I forget, must have been that great. Hold on, another 8 chicks at the door. Actually they're blokes with white coats on asking if I'd like to get into their white van thingy. I am digressing somewhat, that I grant you.

2 Oxfords next, same deal, one night better than the other, only difference for me I commuted to gigs, I mean with one at Cambridge one can't fraternise with the enema, that's right, enema, can one?

We are playing very well this year, it has for some unknown reason been a good vintage for us, Plymouth was an absolutely corking show, the sound thing is always an issue there, but you just have to get on with it. Just got a text, the super Bees are winning a game! (We actually ended up drawing) First goal in about 11 years I reckon, looking very poor this season, all you Quo fans out there that read this, start following the Bees or you don't love me.

After the gig at Plymouth I came home and Woodedz played a Charidee gig at the Hammersmith Palais, my boys did not let me down as I knew they wouldn't. They took to the big stage as if they'd been doing it for years, and we rocked a very at first apathetic crowd. Thanks to Pepsi, Quo kid and the other Quo lot who came, as you travelled all that distance there's no blog charge this time as it was a charidee gig.

Cheltenham. Monday. What's up with you lot. "Eaw, Monday, dahling, we couldn't possibly attend a Quo Recital on a Monday, I'm afrayed its' Saturday or nothing, I mean, what WOULD the neighbours think?". Total sellout last year on a Saturday, half full this year, the promoter reckons it was the Monday thing. Be like me folks, I couldn't tell you what month it is sometimes, rock and roll, hold on there's 8 (p.94)
Some top totty there I might add though.

Best Croydon ever was the second, probably because my mum was there, 163 years old and still rocking... Actually she's 87 and class, fit as a fiddle and too bloody clever by half, love ya mumsiexx

Also met the Quoman off the board, 60p please. I actually thought about chinning him during Gerdan, sorry Godunderher, you know that song with loads of guitars until I realised he was joking. One more thing bloke. Get out more!!

On to my annual joke about a pair of Bristols. Lovely town, stayed in the Hotel du Vin, which is some kind of wine buff boutique thang, but my room was called Swiss wine. Have you ever had Swiss wine? Yeuch! And if any of you good burghers (you can't eat them by the way) of the land of Vivian, who incidentally have just joined the tour, (helleo cats) want to prove me wrong by buying me copious amounts of your fine wine to prove me wrong, well alright then.
Swinging shows, but then Bristols normally do...

Day off in Leeds, I thought I was really going to get the 'flu, but never. Which was nice. Blackpool next day, brill gig in a great venue, lots of lovely looking people without penises there, the place was really a buzzin' mate.

Llandudno, for a change 2 really good nights there, second better than first, climbed, sorry walked up the Great Orme, a large bit I supposed you'd call it, not a mountain or a hill, actually the great lunp I hereby christen it. Very windy, in fact I nearly got blown off…but I didn't. Am I smutty or what? One of Rick's chat up lines in the old days was "Hello, my names Dick. Do you like it?" What a card eh?

Hull. Went to a music shop, bought myself a new axe, man. I've always wanted one of these, A Fender Stratocaster designed by Tom Delong, who was the guitarist in Blink 182. It has one pickup, and like me one knob. OKOK!! No more innuendo (sic). I like that sign. I like it lot. I might just buy it...

Bellavista man has now bitten the dust, a song too far we thought, we're doing the best part of 2 hours anyway, what more do you want for 30 quid? Go to Chelsea, you'd get about 27 minutes for that.

Newcastle. Best gig so far. Never one of my favourite venues, but this time it just really clicked. Francis had one of his total rock god (I've taught him everything he knows of course) nights, and the crowd were terrific, they really were, best gig since Paris I think. Also had my first wife there and me Mae there, so an extra good time had by all... Watched the new Bond film while we were there, what a movie, watched Borat as well, what a cheap laugh heap of shit in my opinion.

In answer to a question on the Message Board, my favourite 3 gigs of all time were: Quo at Paris L'olympia 2006, Quo at the Circus Krone Munich in 1986 and Dexys' Midnight Runners at the Beacon Theatre in New York 1983 by the way.

Anyway, I've had enough. DISMISS!


All pics by
Christie 'the Duck' Goodwin and Patrick 'The Chief' Cusse

Just Doin' It 2006/7 tourlog:
Part 1  |   Part 2  |   Part 4  |   Part 5

To Rhino's Tourlog Index

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