In search of the fourth chord tourlog
Part 7: LOUDER!!
Big Amp!
Rhino's new amp - this one goes up to 14!
OK. Who was good King Wenceslass? Eh? Did we know the woman within? Was she deep and crisp and even? A nation demands to know? Get her on Shitfactor! With her Slavic beauty and East European mammalian protuberances she can obviously "carry a tune". Get in... Number 1 for Christmas, obviously.

Before I get all bullshiticidal, is it me, or are we losing our/any culture? I was in Bristol, the Templemeads shopping area I think it was called, but it could just as easily have been the Cellulite Centre, or Titties and Beer Town (which coincidentally was emblazoned on a Frank Zappa t-shirt sported by a Billy at the Glasgow show Sunday- Uncle Frank might have been impressed.)

Anyway... there was not one shop that wasn't a franchise/chain/high street giant, I am old fashioned, sorry, I like talking to people face to face and small local shops. Isn't it strange when wanting to do that makes you a member of the older generation? I'm not being a grumpy old fuck by the way, it's just that it would appear to me (probably as depicted by the media) that there are more assholes among kids today than there were when I was a kid. And I should know, as I was one.

Enough of this gay banter, I am at this moment of my life in a total coma looking over the Tay Bridge in Dundee, it is so amazing to be alive, isn't it? I mean, I got to see that the weather was shit today, YIPPEE!!! Also bought a guitar today, 1968 Fender Bronco, lovely blue colour, A snip at £289000000000000, from Cash Converters actually, that sounds a bit Welsh I reckon.

Wembley Lights
F***!!! I just looked at our holiday brochure (tour itinerary) and I haven't mentioned or reported on 216 gigs! Merde! Oh well... Llandudno, a NEW VENUE!!!! Hot, sweaty, get in! Francis wasn't that shall we say, complimentary about it, but, it's there anyway, enjoy, you Northern Welsh type people. You'll also start to get bigger bands now as well.

Went up Snowdon for the 4th time with the Killer, his 85th or something mental like that, accompanied by Andy May, out front soundman, raconteur, bon viveur and Guinness with Tia Maria merchant and young Rachel from New Zealand, who lists among her hobbies being 26, a great chef, totally gorgeous, and top person, apart from that, useless. If you want to see a really shit photo of me, log on to Matt "the bastard" Letley's blogthing ... whatever.

Halifax was good, noisy as anything, I also had cause for celebration as I learned that one of my kids that plays the attitudinal drums wiv de Woodedz has got a scholarship to Harvard. Hey! Bring it on! I and I reckon you'll like this given my reputation as the meanest man in rock, looked for an off licence or quelque chose comme ca (pretentious, moi?).

All I could find was Kwiksave. RESULT!!! Thought they might have Asti or something, nope, Mumm or Monopole Heidseck. Wholesome price, move over Lidl! Much congratulatory toasting on bus back to hotel. Gig was good, great security, sorted out loads of over exuberant peeps, so everybody do what you're doin today will be your sunshine day, (Osibisa) Or not.

Blackpool. We did it. It was marvellous, really, a great show, I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again, Francis Rossi, who, apart from me of course is the most committed musician I have ever worked with was struggling (by the way, I read a somewhat cynical thread on the MB re cancelling - shame on you) and it was obvious the next day, the voice was knacked=no Hull show.

Doctor signed him off, so went to Edinburgh, wait for Sunday-no chance, on to Newcastle for a day off on the Monday, where Matt, meslelf, and the fader player Andy May went up Adrian's (that's southern for Hadrian's) Wall for about 3 days, Ok, 5 hours, mega good, as was getting back into the touring groove, isn't that a Madonna song? She is total shite, isn't she? Or is it just me? So, really sorry from us to you that were going to the 2 shows.
The Rev Rock

Great crowd the Northeasterners are, serious noise, fantastic to be back on with the tour, Francis done good.

Cardiff was great apart from a total drunk who fell over people, and then threw up before staggering out. Nice one mate. In fact I saw the ginormous bruise he'd given as a pressie to little Sarah's leg as I was autographing her divorce papers. You sign the strangest things sometimes.

Manchester. What a strange venue. Security look like they're sponsored by Colman's Mustard, what foul colour jackets they are, very atmosphereless I thought. Which the NEC wasn't, a good rockin' nite.

By the way it's the next morning now. Not in a coma anymore, so don't dare to read what I writ last night, if it's trite crap no change there then...
Nottingham on Sunday, some people I see sometimes, a dad and his 2 daughters were there, great vibe, as they are well fit and really have a good time... not him, the girls you dolts. Tonight he brought his FOUR daughters along. Wow! Suit you sir!

Next, the usual pair of Bristols (smut), met up with Alan Benson (AKA Burning Benson) who'd come over from Florida as he does every year to see us, brought along his mate Greg, a Quo virgin as Alan put it. Went for a pint in a gay pub, I mean GAY, the gayest I've ever been in, and I've been in lots, oops, what a giveaway etc. Greg must have thought 'what's going on?', then he faints twice during Caroline and had be taken back to his hotel! Good start, though he did recover for the next night.

Shit sound, great shows, second one for me best of tour so far. I love Bristols, me.

I went to the ss Great Britain, the best £10.50 I spent this year, it was fantastic, if you're in that area it's a must-see. I went to this church as well, I can't remember the name, and there's a biffo called Penn buried there. Turns out he was a high ranking naval officer that Charles the 2nd owed money to. He was a bit strapped for cash, so he gave him some of America (which was nice). That's now called Pennsylvania. So there...

Them  Catering Girls  
Top caterers: Felix, Jenny and Jo-Jo
Brighton. Which is where Gert Ohlsson, who's been on the crew for 4 days took the photo here of our 3 totally normal, shy, retiring caterers, Felix, Jenny and JoJo,. I go out to restaurants on days off, and it's never as good as the food on show days, they really are the best.

A different kitchen every day, they have to think of a menu, prepare and cook 3 meals for 30 people. They are real workers, and so pleasant all the time. I hope none of them read this though, they'll probably beat me up for being a softie. I've put on weight on this tour for the first time ever.

Gert, after 4 days crewing. What a mess, he's looking bad! Easy it isn't, on the crew.

The usual polite sound, it took a while for us to get billy going, but we did in the end, then Wemberly. Families, friends, enemies, and lots of great audience going mental, a good one for me, Rick had sound probs, but you'd never know, a great reaction. And, BRENTFORD WON A GAME!!!!! We beat the mighty Wrexham 3-1 away.

Francis back in action
Glasgow was good but not great, which was a real pisser as it's always the best audience, I just don't think we were that good, can't tell you why, it ain't like we're doing a different show every night, well we are, I meant the repertoire. That, ladies and gents, is, I think you'll find, an apocryphal statement, that's my latest word. Blimey! 5 commas in a sentence. How much did Llandudno by the way? Anyway, I digress. (makes a change)

Glasgow was also the 30th anniversary of Maureen, our number 1 fan first seeing the band. She's now seen us over 450 times, well done that Maureen m'love xx.

Aberdeen, beautiful weather, really, brilliant sunshine and not a cloud in the sky, which brings me neatly on to now. I'm in Dundee with a hangover, going to go out, eat some fat on a plate as I feel crap, and get myself ready for the show. Will a hangover affect my performance? Of course it will! I'll be better than normal. This town is where Rick and I were caught on camera writing 'Creeping up on you'. It's also the home of the Beano and Dandy (that snippet for our Lithuanian readers) and Dundee cake

"NO! God Rhino, you're so clever!"
"Why thanks, I don't often talk to myself but this time I'll make an exception"
"Go on, nobody else talks to you/me/us"
"We're right you know, we don't need them"


I also bought a guitar... Oh shit. I wrote that bit there and another 4 lines before I remembered I'd already written a paragraph about it last night. Aah, the mighty coma...

The writer of this nonsense
I'm going now.
No, seriously, I am.
I'll get me kilt
I got it.
I'm putting it on.
I'm outta here.
Closing the door now.
You ain't seen me, right?
Bye then.

In Search Of The Fourth Chord
Pics by Gert Ohlsson

except 'Big Amp' by Simone Froud

More pictures from the UK tour are here

In Search Of The Fourth Chord tourlog 2007/8:

Part 1  |   Part 2  |   Part 3  |   Part 4  |   Part 5  |   Part 6  |  
Part 7  |   Part 8  |   Part 9  |   Part 10  |   Part 11

To Rhino's Tourlog Index

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