I hate the Internet. It stops you writing letters, it actually means less communication. Terrorists, paedophiles and ugly thinking motherfuckers can get in touch with each other with ease, and as a bonus for somebody (Big brother anyone? Right on baby!!!) everyone's becoming more and more dependant on it, myself included. I go out for a walk and the first thing I think of is my Internet enabled 'phone etc.
So tonight's offering isn't light reading. I'm gutted as I can't get on line because my IP address is polluted, I have a URL infection and I'm Http positive. Rock on! Serious, check out Rod Liddle, the besterest riter I sin in a lang lang lang lang lang (time), as that Jamaican lot sang in a really crap song a while ago.
Which, as luck would have it, brings me on to our right rockin' rivetin' Xmas giveaway. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we have not 2, but 1 signed soccer shirt to give away during the final month (now) of this year of 2008, before it's Christmas time ( I keep thinking I've heard that before somewhere). If you want to win the aforementioned shirt, signed not only by none of the Le Mans (it's in France. They race cars there sometimes) football team, but also signed by the 5 members of the current Status Quo line up.
All I need is a joke. It doesn't even have to be in English, but it will help. The winning entrant will have my word that I, yes I, John Victor Edwards, the wrong side of 55 and a half will PERSONALLY send it to you, whoever you are, anywhere in the world, and the USA (please allow £310. 56p postage given the parlous state of Sterling). Actually I shall pay. So send your jokes/unbelievably sexy letters (ladies only on that one) please to me, email@example.com and if anyone bothers to respond I'll send it to yaaaa, innit? And put the joke up in the next log.
I go bed now, mañana talk of show, Rhino only porn in game of life (Blazing Saddlers was the film with that quote in it or something like that, anyway, doesn't ring a bell) Y'know what? This has actually taken me over an hour to write, I'm either ill, retarded or on drugs. Probably all 3 of them. G'night.
It's now 3 days later, and I'm backstage at Nottingham, it's 3.30 pm and so to keyboard.
"How much? 10 pounds for a coffee and sandwich?" "that's right. Hand it over you English pauper, haven't you heard, a pound is now worth 3 grapes and a cigarette paper, better pay now 'cos in 5 minutes it might be 12 how you say, English quids" We are obviously in Scandinavia, land of crap food at high prices. The luverly Kath is with me, over for a few days, but I move ahead of myself. Actually how do you do that? I dunno.
Denmark actually, normally the cheapest place in Scanda, also my favourite if truth be told. 1st show, the town of Randers.Oh look, the floor's swimming in beer, and lots of people are swaying, shall we say a tad unsteadily, and not in time to t'band, it must be Saturday. Which it was, doesn't bother me, you pay your money you take your choice (where have I heard that before?) but I swear some of the punters won't remember anything of the show, still it's up to them. The next night, don't remember what day it was, Herning. I watched the Mayor turn on the Christmas lights, really magical it was, loads of people turned out to watch. I love being at occasions like that in other countries, it's really special as an outsider/traveller to witness real local events, a nice feeling of being there if you get me.
Completely different gig, possibly sponsored by the Quakers, really quiet audience, I'm sure you can imagine how well 'Is There A Better Way' went down.
On to Copenhagen, where that Kath is, and where the Tivoli is open in Winter, a really lovely place to walk around in for a couple of (ABSOLUTELY FREEZING!!!) hours. Lovely city, the advantage of it being so expensive was that we didn't do any shopping, which one of the blond guitarists did, 'ees a crazy, but is his bucks.
Irrelevant fact. Which word in the English language has a masculine and a feminine spelling? Eh? Eh? Well for those that don't know, it's blond(e). With an E for a woman (not a bad idea that, actually) and not for a bloke. Ooer! That Rhino, he's so clever inne?
We did go to the museum of Erotica, which was quite unthrilling, though some of the, shall we say paraphernalia was quite interesting. I only spent 600 quids, which bought me 2 postcards, but no stamps of course. Great gig at the KB Halle, really kicking we were, v. noisy billy, now THEY really liked 'Is There a Better Way', a great rock town Copenhagen.
Odense was next, with an opening act whose name I don't recall, but they were really groovy. I thought so anyway. We had to wait until 2am before we could leave for the overnight drive to Jonkoping, Sweden. Uh-oh! Pass me the Rioja old boy would you? What a lovely thing! Upshot? Next day I had a big headache. So much so I didn't get out of my bunk until it was dark, quite a surreal experience really, not the headache but seeing no daylight.
Anyway, was fine for the gig, 4,000 Swedes rockin' out, on to Malmo hotel, what a lovely place that is. That and Gothenburg my 2 favourite cities? in the land of Swedes. Gig in Lund, then early morning flight home, which was nice as I got home 7 hours before the band members that didn't want to fly. Result!
By the way, isn't the Merch particularly good on this tour? You lot are spoiled for choice, granted there's not NEARLY enough pictures of me, but apart from that the World's yer lobster. By the way for those of you who are stuck for that elusive Christmas present for a loved one, has the thought of an official R****' R****** T-shirt cap and deluxe signed limited edition (They're all limited edition actually) CD companion wet behind the ear book gift pack set? We just happen to have a few (25,876) spare, so don't delay, line my pockets today!!!
PS.Don't forget the jokes!
The Pictures tourlog 2008: