Hope the New Year finds you all alive and well. However if you weren't alive you wouldn't be reading this would you. Unless there is another side. Woooooo! Freaky maaan.
You know you lot are a lot of dirty minded pervs, well not all, but most. I started reading the jokes you sent me, and there's only about 5 printable ones! There were so many un-PC/rude ones which were really funny, but as I'm not supposed to offend the do-gooder/busybody/humourless prat brigade (actually I'd love to but you can't win against the right on bores).
So the winner will be a clean one. Actually, I did have a favourite:
What did the clever person say to the village idiot?
But as the person that sent it in didn't answer my PM for their address, that's tough. So, whilst the competition is now closed, I'd like to thank you all for the entries, it's been fun judging, we'll have to do it again sometime. By the way my decision is final. Or not...
Befor eye shtart ritin' mye revue off da shose weave dun vis yeer, I should also like to draw your attention to someone else. The drummer that is Matthew Roger Letley, known to all that live in my head as the Killer. He is running the London Marathon in April. He is mad. He needs sponsor money. Give it to him. Or else.
It's a great thing he's doing, it's in aid of the band's, if you will, preferred charity, the David Shepherd Nature Foundation www.davidshepherd.org or www.artforsurvival.org.
I even hear through tha grapevine (dig it baby) that Norman Tebbit will also be forking out.
OK, I'm doing it!
It was actually nice to know I was only going to be at home for a month before we were out on the road again. It's not that I dislike being there, but I also like being here, yes, even in Southend on this distinctly grey day.
So we headed off to Manchester, a little over 2 weeks ago, which now seems like 2 months, I cannot believe it. I don't know what to make of that, is the time flying by or standing still? I'm just impressed that I can remember that far back.
Anyway, two nights at Manchester Apollo. First one, we were as they say a little rusty, however that to me is what it should be like, a little rough around the edges. It's definitely interesting looking around the stage and wondering who will be the first to make a monumental cock-up! That didn't happen, but it was my kind of show. Great Billy both nights, let's do that again soon. The venue could be said to have seen better days, but that's some of the appeal for me.
Blackpool next, where I was invited to the best chippy in town, it's called the Cottage, here's their website: www.cottagefishandchips.co.uk/cottage.htm I'm back there next time I'm in Blackpool, nice to meet everyone, especially Gill and Sue, who even put a story in the local paper about my visit! Neuf and a half points (that's French for points) from the English judge.
Storming gig, as was Hull the next night, where I met my old school friend Denis, who I hadn't seen for nearly 40 years. 40 years! Jesus I'm getting old. I met a friend of his who kept calling me Hippo, still I farted in her general direction and strode off, do I care? Just 'cos I mentioned that in a book published a couple of years ago Hull had been number 1 on a list of crappest towns to live in the UK. I didn't vote for it, in fact I think it's quite nice.
Then on to Ireland via Holyhead. Check this, and I kid you not: I went to a baker in Holyhead while waiting for the Ferry and asked the woman behind the counter where there was a good café. "Are you walking or on foot?" she said. Hmm thought Rhino. "I'm walking" "So where did you park your car?" Time to go...
Found a café in the end with the Rev. Rock... worst ever, still nobody died. Evening in Dublin, then on to the touristic town that is Killarney, a place I know quite well now, we have been a few times. Played on a Sunday, it was a bit quiet, especially after the UK, but pretty good.
Went for a drink in the bar afterwards, met some of our Irish friends, what warm people they are. "Will you having a pint Rhino?" "No thanks, I've got one on" By the time I had 5 pints waiting, I was saying "No, I don't want a fucking pint, I've got 5, sorry, make that 7 here" What could I do? I had somewhat of a headache the next day, and it was very nice to meet you all, I also must give a namecheck to a pub/venue in Cork called Ziggys Bar, It's apparently a Quo shrine, and they've even asked Woodedz to go and do a gig there, which if we can we'll take them up on for sure. Thanks again for the drinks guys and Jill, the wife of one of them, he had such a broad accent I was just nodding as if I understood what he was saying (which I didn't) but he was, like all of them. extremely friendly.
Day off in Partaloise which has a maximum security prison, Guinness, Lidl and a launderette, what more did I need. The band stayed in Killarney and I went off with the crew, had a very nice day, and ate at Abrakebabra, what a great name, what do you think they sell?
No, not Chinese you twit. Anyway, it was the worst Kebab I ever had, and I've had some crap ones before.
FANTASTIC venue, a conference room in an Hotel, 1100 Billy crammed in, loud as you like, hot and rockin' Get in! The Killer was not just on fire, I expected there to be just a puddle with 2 sticks protruding at the end, brilliant night...
Belfast, OK. I read on the message board a review by a guy who calls himself Himshelf. Congratulations mate, your report was even fuller of authentic gibberish than anything I could muster; I'd doff my cap to you if I had one, to be sure.
Castlebar, where I met lots of my Brother in Laws' family 'cos that, funnily enough is where he's from, actually a place called Swinford, where I believe there is a large branch of Gap.
B and the North opening up by the way, much improved I thought, much more assured.
Taking a break, got to check out of my room. Tout a l'heure. I'll also see you soon.
Cooee! I'm back! Dublin on Sunday, what a riot the gig was. Superb Billy, APPALLING sound on stage, but so what? As long as you lot enjoy it, that's the main thing, we're here to entertain you, not vice versa.
By the way, I've decided this is the year for a follow up to R***** R******.which will be a Woodedz album. I'm going to start writing after this leg of the tour, watch this space...
Not for too long mind, you might go a bit funny.
A special mention to all those that did the whole Irish tour, Daisy, Mr. and Mrs Billy, Watutsi woman, Kim Queen of Quo, the Irish bloke with the shaved head and anyone else I forgot to mention, you're all crazy and we love ya.
Thank you caller, goodbye.
The Pictures tourlog 2008: