When stuff like that happens, we should all feel glad to be alive I reckon, what do we have to moan about if we have our health and get by?
I got nothing to moan about, I’m sitting in the car park of the Zenith arena in the stunning city of Caen (pronounced Caen) in blazing sunshine and there’s a day off tomorrow. Shit life. Better than that, guess who is paying me a visit today? You won’t believe it when tell you folks. None other than Mr. David Crapmodem, (that’s actually his middle name by the way, bizarre choice don’t you think? Frankly I blame the parents), Goldblatt, well known cheerleader of this parish, who’s coming to collect an old stage shirt of mine, one of the striped ones I used to wear, honest I did. It’s going to be auctioned for charidee mate, Shona Smile being one, and very good value it is. Did you know the latest bid is a massive 75p? I hope Mr. Modem will in fact reopen the bidding page on the message board, as I’m sure we can push it up to 3 quid. Come on, get yer dosh out!
On to matters current, well currentish, in fact the last UK tour. Ok, here we go. Um, er, well, bear with me, it’s coming, on the tip of my tongue... is it bolleaux.
That is because I got sick, and my memory banks were erased. I just got the Tour list sent to me to jog my brain cell, nothing WTF? I think is the given parlance lately for what the fuck. Sorry about the swearing mum.
In fact I can remember some bits, like the Crave, our opening act in the theatres, who really impressed me. I thought they really rocked hard and got a lot better as the tour progressed. Nice guys as well.
Swindon Oasis sticks in my mind as a truly horrible hall to play in. Half full, I’m not surprised people don’t go there what with the way it sounds and looks, although I bumped into an old friend, which was nice. However, it doesn’t compare with somewhere like the Porsche arena in Stuttgart for example, now that’s a venue I’m looking forward to playing again, which I believe we are.
Actually I can remember bits, Ipswich being v. rocking. Warrington Parr hall, never played there before, small, hot and kicking, as was Newcastle as ever. Ah that’s it, snow.more snow.even more snow. I remember the bus driving through a total blizzard on the way to Bridlington about 2 in the morning middle of nowhere and seeing this poor bugger on a motor bike.He (I presume it was a he, could have been an it) looked like a snowman on a Honda, but because there was so much coming down I reckon he was driving about 5 miles an hour, he must have been FROZEN! Ah well, I was, as Mr. Parfitto would say, the right side of the glass, so all was good.
Watching from a window as the blizzard rushes past
Along dark beach to somewhere, see it moving oh so fast
From right to left it swirls, covers every grain of sand
While straight ahead the sea rolls in towards the freezing land.
The palm trees twisting back and forth, just flicking off the snow
That’s the view from room 412, in sleepy Llandudno.
The pier lit like a Christmas tree, all silver, green and white
Like some ghostly apparition, shining in the night
Distant red light flashing from a hundred wind machines
As amber flame burns out to sea, this is the stuff of dreams.
With street lights bending in the wind, joining in the show
Who’d have thought to see such things, in sleepy Llandudno.
Roll up! for one night only! No ticket price to pay!
The greatest sight on earth, forever gone by break of day!
The tide will turn, the lights switch off, there’ll be no big encore
And everything will look exactly as it did before
But those of us that saw the spectacle will always know
Of a time when it was magical in sleepy Llandudno.
Hey, I’m in France!
Other memories, Brid, how cool to be back there after so long, loud and hot, brilliant Pound shop in Blackburn, great rock pub there as well. Snow bloody snow everywhere.
On to Arenas. Joe Brown. Great band, great show, lovely people, the manager John used to be the tour manger ( roadie in those days) for Patto, another of my favourite bands, talked about them lots, result! I just am not so sure he was the right opening act for us. I’d go and see Joe on his own though, they were really good, but not for us I reckon.
Then I got sick. And for me, REALLY sick. Started in Aberdeen but I thought I’d just ride through it However, on the bus to Glasgow I started to get really bad, and when we arrived there I asked for a doctor, which proved to be impossible. So I took myself off to AandE, where they were very efficient and ran a load of tests and listened to me. At least someone does. Then talked to a doctor who said you got this and that and this wrong with your lungs and chest. “Which means what?” I asked him “Which means you have pneumonia” “Aah”.
Went back to the hotel and straight to bed, got to the gig at 5 and was told that if I wanted we’d cancel the show. Now call me a twat or whatever, I’m not doing the burning martyr thing here, but I thought about all the Mcbilly who’d braved the elephants (shit attempt at humour) to get there, especially Graham, Budgie, and the coach load from Islay, which a 5 hour bus journey and a 2 hour ferry away and just thought I could not let them down. So I never.
It was a surreal experience though I can tell you.I was completely detached from what was going on, just playing the notes, at one time I found myself trying to count the girders in the roof and they were moving with me, bit like acid without the acid really. But I do not like letting people down, so we did the same the next day in Bradford, I went home and went to bed and was ill for a month, well odd, you think you’re over it and then a wave hits you and you have to lie down or sleep for 15 hours.
No more for me thank you
It only remains for me to wish you Happy Christmas and all the best for the New Year.
Va te faire enculez!! With respect of course.
Jean Rheeno Edwardes, Caen, April 10th 2011.
In fact I am a complete Caen.
Ps. New album shaping up nicely, for those that want to know.