Isn't it funny? I started making up crappy little jokes and realised that it must be time for a new Log. Whoa! Hold on there!

I wrote that backstage at Leeds yesterday, intending to carry on after the show. Then things went a bit tits up. Waiting to go on, at the side of the stage in the dark. Some idiot forgot to close a cover where all the cables run from the mixer to the stage. Guess who fell in it? Yep, me. There can be only one Rhino.
Claret everywhere, unfortunately not of the French variety but of the me variety, (mind you, they've probably got the same alcoholic content), still, the show must go on, put a plaster on my lacerated hand and bandaged up my leg which had a bit of a hole in it and off we went.

Straight off to hospital after the show, 5 stitches in my leg, strips to tie up the lacerations in my hand and a Tetanus injection in me arse.

How weird is this? I'm hobbling out and I hear "Rhino! Rhino!"
I turn round and there's this geezer, claret all over his face. "I was in the queue at the beginning of the show and fell over and smashed me lip, but at least I've seen one of the Quo tonight!"

Anyway, I'm in Glasgow now hobbling around and secretly enjoying the fact that a) I did the show and that b) everyone's coming up and asking how I am. Well it was a secret until then. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, bad jokes. "I'm not saying he's thick but I've seen more brains in a pork pie." Someone just sent me a mail suggesting that I lend my nickname to wine, call it Rhino Wino. As long as I'm the taster for it I don't mind.

I'm 60 and a half now by the way, weird that. Still, love my bus pass and free prescriptions.

Right, down to business. It would appear I have a few shows to report on, apparently on my last log I missed Falkirk out, how remiss of me. Not only was the gig cold but rockin' out, with a mighty good McBilly, in fact including a real Billy, with wife Ali, Hi folks! - they were actually in front of me in Glasgow last night.

The 10CCs were on and fantastic as ever, I can't believe I missed logging it last time round as it's the Scottish football club with a connection to the Bees. They are nicknamed the Bairns, and many Brentford legends (well, 2, but what legends, Richard Cadette and Tony Parks) went to play for them. Since then there's been quite an affinity between the 2 sets of supporters, in fact I got given a Falkirk shirt, with a note, which read "Bees and Bairns for ever". Thanks a lot guys, I'll drink to that, in fact I'll drink to anything at the moment!

Right, back to the past after that, which was in fact the future at that time, although of course it isn't now, but if you had been there it would be. I could be wrong, but if you understood what I just wrote you need sectioning. Now.

An absolutely stunning journey driving through Switzerland to the picture postcard village of Cevio. One of the best drives for a very long time. Taken to a totally brilliant Italian restaurant for lunch, I don't normally drink at lunchtime, but this place was an exception, it had to be done. Then a lovely siesta or whatever they call it in Italian and a gig in a tiny town square looking up at the mountains, amazing. I've said it before and I'll say it again, for someone with my aims in life and what I set out to do with my career there is no better band for me in the Universe than Status Quo, it was meant to be. I've seen so many amazing places and met so many fantastic people, I am one happy camper.

On to Betley Court farm, where we were supported by Mr. Mungo Jerry. I always thought it was the name of the band until I saw him doing an advert for an album on TV in Germany, and he said "Hi, I'm Mungo Jerry". Silly me, thinking his name is Ray Dorset, from Hounslow, I'll have you know, the next town to Whitton, where I was brought up.

Anyway, Mr. Jerry was good, the weather was nice and someone flashed their mammalian protruberances at me, which was nice.... Tits to you by the way, and I'm not using that as an insult, merely an explanation of the aforementioned phrase.

Jesus, these pain killers are amazing.

Next week, the North of Norway, the back garden festival it's called, in Harstad, gives you an idea of the crowd size, y'know? Another amazing journey, another small town festival, pissing down though this time. Leon and I stayed behind and watched a really interesting Norwegian band on after us, huge in Norway apparently, handy that as they were singing in that language. Very good, although I couldn't understand why the keyboard player wore a gas mask all the way through. Maybe they'd all had a serious curry, I dunno...

On to Wrest Park in the UK, where we were completely blown off the stage by some young band called the Runner, they were so good we might as well not have turned up. The guitarist looks very much like my son Freddie, it could almost be him y'know.

The Blockheads were on after them, the toppest bass player there is in the UK in my book, Norman Watt Roy, to be honest they left me a bit cold, not really my thing, but what a player that guy is.

Miserable weather, the worst kind of English late summer day, y'know, spitting with rain, damp and miserable, in fact excuse me, I'm going to sob uncontrollably just thinking about it there that's better all done. Blimey, no more pills for a while, I feel weird...

Hallenstadion next in Zurich, which was nice for a few reasons. One it's the Hallenstadion, two, it was sold out,13.000 Sviss Billies and three we played a private show in the same venue the night before, which was nice. Anyone need to borrow a fiver?

One more, if you will, stand alone show before the winter jaunt, some kind of live radio thing at the Lotto arena, in one of my favourite places in Belgium, Antwerp. Lots of people over singing and trying to look very famous, not my scene, man. In fact, to kind of digress, I've never watched Britain's got talent, the X factor or the Voice. Am I missing something? I don't think so.

By the way, have you seen my Rhino? I've bought one, at a charity auction in Southampton, he's gorgeous. No connection at all, but he's called Alan. Strangely when I told Rick the name, he told me he has a giraffe in his garden in Spain, which is also called Alan. Spooky huh? Not really.

I'm going to do some more tomorrow, so I'll see you then. Tara. Goodnight. Buenos noches. Buonanotte. Bonnuit. Kainihta. Gute nacht. Oyasuminasai. Nos da(Welsh that one).

Itís tomorrow, just got up after sleeping on bus B, we now travel in 2 buses the band, me, AB and the Caveman in one and the rest in another. Well, you know, we thought we werenít doing enough for our carbon footprint...

Anyway anyway, carrying on from where I left off (sitting down as my leg is really quite sore I have to say, still, you canít let people down, can you?) The next 2 tours have been as follows:

Tour number one with the Uriah Heep, in Germany, land of the Hamburger. What a great ticket, 2 classic rock bands, OK, 1 classic rock band and a pantomime act as thatís what some people call this lineup. And no, you havenít touched a nerve, just be afraid, we know where you live. If you see Aladdin, Widow Twankee and a performing horse standing outside your house you know weíve found you. Sometimes I donít really know where this stuff is going. "Oh yes you do". ď"Oh no I donít". Iím even writing to my self now, maybe should get out more.

What a great band Heep are, they really put in a shift on every show, one of the most enjoyable tours of that ilk, as in having a big name as a special guest. One of the few bands that I watched nearly every night, Russell the drummer even let my nephew Billy jam with them on the Bielefeld show, thatís so cool.

You can still tell audiences in Germany if theyíre from the West or the East, the Eastern audiences are always a bit more muted in their reaction, then they go mental for In the Army now, must be etched quite deep on their psyche, man.

Deep and meaningless there. pardon me. Mind you, my mumís Polish cleaner found out what I did the other day and told her that Army was the first song she ever danced to with a boy, aaah... Mind you, I donít know what sheíd danced with before. We then had a one off show in Den Bosch Holland with a very interesting Dutch opening act, whose name escapes me, sorry guys.
Right. Tour number 2. It's 10CC!!! yes, THE 10CC!!!! They are the dogís bollocks. So many hits, so well played. Their acapella version of their first hit Donna (which I bought I'll have you know) is a real showstopper, they even get an encore, a total rarity on a Quo UK tour. I just wish theyíd play the Dean and I, my personal favourite.

Just like the Heep, these guys can really play as well, in fact itís been a great 2 months.

Is it that time already? Another year gone by, Jesus!

Today is quite a milestone for one of the Touring party. Pat Marks, our lighting designer since 1849 is hanging up his truss, itís his last show tonight, here in Newcastle. Iím sure itís going to be very weird for him, but he leaves with a lot of love, in fact I have a sneaking suspicion heíll be back, I hope so. Heís a complete madman who talks at you for hours after a drink, so from lunchtime onwards then... Seriously, heís a great guy, a real one off, what bigger compliment can you give someone. OK, Peter Sutcliffe was a one off, but you know what I mean. Cheers Patrick xxx

Which brings me nicely to the end of yet another mad and busy year in the Mothership that is Status Quo. For those that are attending the 2014 FF shows (including me) enjoy the second part of the second coming, I hope it will be as good as the first second coming.

As usual, thanks for coming, thanks for having us, there are no better fans on the planet than Quo Army. Fact. Weíll be around your way somewhere soon. You have been warned!

Lots of love, Have a Merry Christmas and a Rockiní new Year,

Rhinoid XXX

The Bula Quo Tourlog 13:

2013 - Part 1    2013 - Part 2   

To Rhino's Tourlog Index

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