RP and FR Hello, it's me. Just like a bad penny I'm rotten to the core. Is that a mixed metaphor? Or just a load of crap. I suspect the latter. Anyway, it's come to my attention that since my last missive a few things have happened. Nothing important of course, but I thought I might as well finish the 2015 log, if only for myself, as in my dotage I may want to look back and see A) where I was on a certain day B) and if I can recall it.

And you know what? I looked on the excellent Ultimate Quo listings site, courtesy of Dr. Lee Hawkins, (English bloke that speaks like an Antipodean now. Does that mean he's against Podeans?) and I can remember every show on there. Honest. Well almost all.Ok some. Actually one or two.In fact, after that dreadful attempt at being funny, which is something I constantly strive to be but nearly always fail to be, I CAN recall at least 90 per cent of them. So I shall crack on as if the world has stopped moving for the last year, we haven't left the EU (more on that later, full rant coming up) and The Americans haven't fallen for that Trump sales pitch. So, will you welcome me, herrreee's Johnny!

So, here we go again, I'm in Oberhausen, waiting to play tonight on the Last Night of the Electrics (boo hoo!!!) tour. I don't want to stop doing the loud bit, I mean it's already cost me most of my hearing in one ear, so what's the problem here. Eh? Speak up!! Still, that's what it is, I'll get used to it, but I'm going to do more Rhino's Revenge next year, you've been warned! Right, back on yer 'eads...

Newmarket. Lost 30 quid on the Gee Gees. We met the bloke who runs Eddie Stobart trucking, and the God of jockeys that is Frankie Detorri, which was nice as they say.

On to Germany, to b I believe where we played an open air with my cousin Clive's band House of X. Good fun, however there was a backstage bar with a rather large beer barrel, so most of the 2 bands did their damdest to drink it all after the show. We failed miserably but it was fun trying.

FR Lorrach town centre, blinding, rammed show, went out for, you guessed, a few beers afterwards with that AB and me neph Leon.

On to Winterbach, which I have no recollection of except that it was in a tent, must have been good. I'm speeding through last year by the way, as I suspect I'll have a combined readership of about 7 for 2015, still there's 7 lucky/unbelievably sad people out there somewhere. Hey, being sad is great by the way, I don't give a toss that I'm considered a saddo because I have a caravan, I love it and that's all that matters. So there. I've even bought a new one this year, all the bells and whistles, well, a fridge.

On to Barcelona, I remember this one. I met the drummer from the Scorpions (who seemed to be pretty nice people by the way), who informed me he was from Kentucky, and you'd know he was from Kentucky as he could tell what a good lay his sister is. Hmmm. He was BONKERS that one. Gig was amazing, Dream Theatre, one of Leon's total favourite bands on before us, and a rabid (is that the right word?) audience, we went down a storm. I believe I saw that Sharon Littlejohn there, that's a long way from Carlisle for a gig, so well done you.

Silverstone, some car meeting not my cuppa that whole thing, what a boring day, vroom vroom all the time. Rhino

Straight on to Luxembourg, where I discovered the world of cigarette tubing in the tobacco shops. Not only is it the cheapest place in Europe for cigarettes, you can buy hundreds of empty cigarettes, (the tubes) and then buy tobacco in a bloody great tub, I mean the size of a 10 litre paint container you get in Wicks or Homebase and make your own. I worked it out you could smoke 20 fags a day for a year for about 2 quid, it was ridiculously cheap anyway. Pissing with rain before the gig, but doesn't bother us, I think you can safely say we've done a few wet shows in our time. I actually don't think it were raining when we played, the miracle of Luxembourg we called it.

Ringsted next, the festival we've done it many times before, I think I may have written a previous Log there, then on to Gothenburg. We played the Tivoli there, so many people! There was about 25000 I reckon, great gig. I think us and Snoop Dog hold the attendance records there. That's a bizarre thought, us and him working together. Dud duh duh duh duh motherfucker, I can hear it now. Well I can't really...

Åndalsnes, one of the most picturesque journeys ever, through the beautiful Norwegian countryside, it has to be one of the most beautiful places in the world (after Barnsley of course), the gig was quite odd, very small festival but the views were truly amazing. Anyway, I'm off for me tea now, more later x

Right, I'm back, sitting on the bus waiting to leave for the show tomorrow in Hannover. We just played in Oberhausen to a very healthy crowd ( I don't mean they were all healthy by the way, just to sort that one out. I meant there was a lot of them). So where was I? Ah yes, I was in Lokeren in Belgium or Holland, not a clue. Then Gavle in Sweden, where as I previously mentioned in another issue, we (the English) bowled them (the Australians) out for 60 runs. I appreciate that doesn't mean much if you're a non cricket loving shall I say Peruvian, but believe it was AWESOME for me. Saxon were on, they came charging on to the stage and started like an express train. By the 5th or 6th song they were gently steaming along on a country loop line on a Sunday (which is when the gig was I think). Rob Zombie finished the show, he was really good. You wouldn't think you'd play Gavle twice in 12 months, I mean it's not the Rock and Roll capital of Scandinavia, in fact it's rather, as we in the trade say, Bumfucknowhere but we did come back within a year, more on that later.

RP Unfortunately the Gomorr then came down with a really quite virulent virus and we had to cancel our Edinburgh show on the day (which is always double crap) and then the following gig, our Monaco show, for the second time, uh-uh. They haven't asked us back, can't think why. Trélazé, near Angers, which was nice as I hadn't been there before (Angers) so I went and had a look. Lovely place, marred by a French shopkeeper who was so rude I had to take him to task, which I did with my usual good grace, I threw a bottle of Orangina at him and gave him a ruddy good piece of my mind. You know the song that's why I hate the French by Rowan Atkinson? Again, it's probably not a biggie in Peru, but if you don't know it it's really rather clever.

One in Switzerland I have NO recollection of, then the Hallenstadion in Zurich. Why is that gig always so special for us? It's a 90 minute blast, one of our favourite venues, I was gutted when I finished and realised it was going to be the last time we were playing there, then I saw a flyer for 2 years time! I duuno guv, honest.

I'm going to stop now because quite frankly I'm bored. And if you've got this far you probably are as well. Still, I've put digit to keypad, so it's all good.

Actually, one more bit. We played in Tilburg in Holland, at a venue with 2 halls, us in the main one and Cradle of Filth in the other. They were actually really good, but as it happened before their show I was talking to their tour manager about Merchandise. I don't know if you're aware, but they have a T-shirt which has a picture of a Nun with a dildo in the usual place, the front bottom, well I think that's the usual place but some may beg to differ, whatever, and the caption reads "Jesus was a C***" I asked him if they were still selling them and he proudly replied, "oh aye (for he was Scotch), that's our best seller" Takes all sorts Saint. You have to be of a certain age to know that one by the way.

And another bit...

I'm going to finish last year now before I go to my bunk, I've decided. Blackpool opera house and Manchester Palace, day off in Blackpool, how do you live there? I mean it's SOOOO windy and wet, it seems to be every time we're there, maybe I'm a Southern Nonce. Uk tour wasn't much to write home about if I'm honest, although Glasgow was as great as ever, and Norman Watt Roy from the Wilco Johnson band is one baddass bass player. Anyway if you've got this far without a suicide attempt it means you're waiting for the juicy bits. Well you'll just have to bear with me won't you.

Goodnight.

I'm 63 and a half now, and have a Freedom Pass. Rock and fucken' Roll!!

RP and FR
Pictures by Rick and Marjolein Van Gerven - photography-rickvangerven.nl