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Friday, 6th October 2000. Paul's joke of the day... An Irishman stops another in the street and says,"Is there a B and Q in Dublin?" "No, but there's 2 Es in Leeds" was the reply. Just arrived back at the hotel after Southport, the second show of ourwhizzbangnonstoprockinandrollinlipsmackinthirstquenchinc***suck***teadrinkingutbustinhighfallutin...tour, entitled, somewhat unimaginatively, "Famous in the last century. The Tour" 
Well, bethatasitmightwellbeIaskyouladiesandgentlemen, one may be pleased to know that one is still of a rocking mindset, and to that end, one has reintroduced, after an absence of about one hundred and ten years, the right riveting rocking tune often referred to as the "Big Fat Mama" Of course you know it is pronounced Mar Mar, I think I'd better get me coat, speak when I'm humanoid once again,could be some time... Quick Rhino, press save before the computer susses me out... whew, that was close. 4 days later…I am writing to y'all tonite from the bridal suite of a hotel. Yes, I have some news, I got so fed up with having a family, that I divorced my kids, put my wife into care, and finally married who I should have done years ago... myself. Yes, me and my right hand are sublimely happy, and don't be too surprised if the splutter of tiny potential rhinos isn't heard within the next 10 minutes. (by the way, that would of course include at least one cigarette). What's actually happened is that we've just arrived at our Grimsby (such a name) hotel. Never been here before, but, to be honest, if this is anything to go by, it's NOT looking that good. I'm an eternal optimist, but, you know, sometimes you have to get real, well realish. The rooms we've been given are a little functional and spartan, so I have taken the bridal suite for one night only, as it's booked up tomorrow, doubtless by some young virile couple, aahhh... this is not filler ya'understand... but as I am now sponsored by feeservenotyreallyinfactitwillcostyouloadsofdough.net, I have in fact made 200,000,000 Turkish Lire, or 85p from your phone call while you've been reading this log. So, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, friends, by the way, I love dressing in women's clothes, and drinking Port and lemon, ooh, how queer, got it in!!!. Mind, it's still better than working. 
The gigs, and there's a couple before this tour that I haven't done, so...Skandeborg was it's usual brilliant self, even though the cloud had found us in a big way, it decided at about 18.30 to give us the rest of the evening off, but I get the feeling the mighty Danes (plus a smattering of Brits).PS. Am I tempting fate? wouldn't have been bothered if it had pissed down... Really, REALLY rocking show. I saw people carrying literally hundreds of bottles of beer in, but no probs, just a fantastic vibe. Matthew just gets better and better by the way, those of you that haven't seen us yet, be prepared… THIS MAN IS A ROCK GOD! After that it was hols for all of us, which was dead good, except that I only had a short time, as the R****'s R****e launch was looming. I ain't doing a plug by the way, but if you want to see how it's going, and my thoughts on it all, check out my site www.rhinosrevenge.com. Anyway, back from vaycayshun, 3 days practice, then a gig at The Ahoy, in Rotterdam, for 9000 mad Dutchpeeps. Rotterdam's a true Rock and Roll city in a true Rock and Roll country. You have to go a long way to beat the Dutch at a Quo show, as I've said before on numerous occasions they come to PARTY!!!. Even if some of them were a little late. We went on at 8 O'clock, I don't think some of them thought we'd ever get it together to go on that early. Mind you, I still didn't get to bed 'til 7am, but that's another story... This night was business as usual, you were great, and so were we. I shall, at this juncture, pause to collect my thoughts, have a slash, skin up and pass out, imagine, on my honeymoon night as well... Still, it's what your right arms for. GoodoldpersonalabuseamIasadoldgitorwhatisWERTBNKJKLaworditisnow The place...Llandudno, Wales. The setting...North Wales theatre. The event... us of course you plonkers, why else would we be there on a bleak Sunday? Nice place mind, it's always interesting to go back somewhere after a long time. The last time I was in Llandudno was with Dexy's Midnight Runners in about 1876. Shows I'm straight doesn't it, when it all gets a bit nawmul aynd boaring wen eyem riting ayboyt r showsh.. I am actually, backstage at Grimsby before our 5th show , and, I have to say, it's all going swimmingly well. We were much more "played in" ( which means we'd had enough rehearsal) than last years' Manchester nightmare, and the set flowed pretty smoothly. It was great to be to be back in the UK, and see some familiar faces, I do notice that our fans are a little, shall we say more mature, but that didn't stop them from getting on down with their bad selves. There's nothing more satisfying than a successful 1st show on a tour, and we drove off to Manchester in a good mood, for the next gig, which was Southport, the first place I got mobbed on the Dexy's tour. A little change in the set, and again another great performance, with the most fantastic sound on stage. 
Francis was on great form with the old bunny, at one time it was almost like "An evening with Francis Rossi", he had me in stitches a couple of times. Back to Manchester, to a real rock and roll Hotel, the Malmaison. I got back, and saw French and Saunders, two of the girls from Big Brother (was that a load of old bollocks, or is it just me?) and Radiohead (is their new album a load of old etc?). I still get a buzz from all that, funny, innit. You still never quite get used to being "one of them" (that famous lot). The day I do, I'll retire... anyway peasants, where was I? Hanley is where I was on Tuesday, Victoria Halls, and Judie Tzuke was my boss when I last played there. Very hot and sweaty, great billy, not as good a sound as Southport, but amply compensated for ladies and gentlemen, by the enthusiastic dancing, twisting etc. Moved the set around a little, and, by jove, I think that's got it, Carruthers. On to Blackburn, where apparently we broke the house record for the biggest grossing show ever at the venue, which I had never played before or maybe they said the grossest show ever at the venue, I dunno. By the way, the opening act , Two Timers. It's not 'cos I got them on the tour, but they are really, REALLY good. If you're coming to see us, make sure you get there early to check them out, they're also selling their CD's at the gigs, and I've bought them, they are a bit too good if you ask me! Their site is at http://www.drfeelgood.de/2timers/index.htm. Right, that's me done, come on England, let's kick ass!!! Flaternal gleetings earth people, TSOTSKAR (THESADOLDTOSSERSOMETIMESKNOWNASRHINO)  XXXXXX  |
| To the UK 2000 Tourlog: Part two Part three Part four Part five |
| To the Oz 2000 Tourlog: Part one Part two Part three Part four |
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