Part 5: The other gigs.

OK OK OK. I know it's late, but I've been busy, ain't I? Still, with my razor sharp memory, and total attention to detail, I shall recall every last second of the shows I didn't review. Only problem is I can't remember which ones they were! So, at a guess I'll start with Oxford, where I had a haircut. I told the geezer I quite liked Paul Weller's hairstyle, at which point he asked me who Paul Weller was. I should have known... " The Jam?" I said. "Oh yeah, no problem" He replied. 20 minutes and one shearing later, I looked like I'd just had a lobotomy, or like someone who used to be a mod, and kept the same haircut for the last 40 years with the same fringe which was totally wonky. I didn't exactly look like Mr. Rock and Roll, y'know? Stifled laughter from the other band members was the order of the day, and things like "I'll get the bastard for you". Anyway, the gig. Quite odd and also included the most ugly looking thug I've ever seen at one of our shows, who absolutely hated anything recorded after 1875, you know the type. He managed to spoil it for quite a few people, such a drag, as we were really pretty good. It's like a weird magnetic thing, you keep getting drawn to the prats, I suppose one shouldn't do that, but you try it, you know what I mean. Next day was Wembley. All I can say about that, is that for all of us, it really was something special. When we've played there in the past, at times, there's been a bit too much adrenalin flying around, and we've become the frantic 5. Not with young Matthew, though. It was his first Wembley gig, and if he was nervous, he didn't show any signs of it. Solid as a rock, mate, that's what he was. So, we were sittled (South African for settled) down straight away. What a gig. What a great crowd. Sir Bown of Barnes was there, I saw him at the side, really getting off on it. He told us that it was the first time he'd seen the show since one time in 1976, when he went out during a drum solo, and that you don't know just how good or bad you are until you've stood and watched it, and while I know it was very difficult for him to do that, he said it was f****** superb, Which was nice... Great to see him, love you man... He can't be back yet, but watch this space.... Strange one leaving the family and heading off, as we normally finish at Wembley, but I took my Maisie Mae on the bus to Birmingham, to stay with me, and generally be an on the road Chicklet, helping Lyane etc, and she had a blinding time, she was so impressed at being up at 2.30.am, and she's only 22.... OK 9 actually. At the sound check in Birmingham, we all suddenly realised how tired we were, absolutely wrecked. By the way, the chap who got up and sang on Roll over Beethoven at Wembley, was none other than Mr. Jackie Lynton, he of "Are you ready to Rock?" fame on the Quo live album. The gig at Brum was pretty good, but honestly, I don't think we could have been any better than we were at Wembley, it was that good. So, a bit of an anticlimax, but you know the John Lewis of rock still gave it our best. (John Lewis group slogan: "Never knowingly undersold") I like it anyway. It's quite odd this getting older business. As the GOMORR sings on Something 'bout you baby, "But my legs won't work". That was happening a bit on the gig. New sweat test on the thing from another planet result. "Sweat division one result: Status Quo- 70 litres, Paul Hirsh- nil" I don't know how he does it. As I write, I'm backstage at the KB hall in Copenhagen, which for the uneducated amongst you is the capital of Germany, and it's brass monkeys here, it wouldn't surprise me if Paul came in sweating away! He's a sort of arse about face kind of guy, who has also just become a father for the third time, congrats from all of us and I'm sure all of you to him and wife Tanya on the arrival of baby Leon, great name that. Mail me and let me know if I've missed any shows, as I can't be arsed to try and get on line at the moment. By the way, did any of y'all catch my webcast last week? I digressed. One of the main things we learned from the tour was that we won't be doing 4 shows on the trot in future, it's fine for making dosh etc, but 100 per cent on the gig is what it's about, so that's what we'll be doing. Plus as usual, you lot are the best fans a band could ever want, which we never forget. We love you Brentford, we do, We love you Brentford, we do. We love you Brentford, we do, oh Brentford we love you. Barmy Army! Barmy Army! No apparent reason for that, but do I care? Do I bolleax. Join the Frantic Five as they race around the planet, saving wenches in distress, democracy, and drinking the locals under the table. NOBODY can drink as much Earl Grey as us, come on if you think you're 'ard enough. (I think there's a cartoon there). It really seems a while ago since Brighton, (and it is) which to be Frank, Earnest and Honest (is that a name? ...it is now). I don't remember an awful lot about, except that it was full to the rafters, there were some billy that I'm sure only had a view of Matthew's arse, (and a mighty cheeky bum he has too, ladies and gentlemen), but I do remember Rick having a tatoo done on the day off. The usual weak sound, but as per usual, we tore it up. While I think of it,of course my mind doesn't wander, I met a bloke in Oz who flew to Manchester for about 18 hours to see the gig, and then got on a plane straight back. Now that's CLASS. Same for Bournemouth, in terms of remembering it. As I said, we're on tour in Denmark at the moment. Earlier in this complete and utter shambles, I stupidly informed you, dear reader, that the Capital of Germany was Copenhagen. Of course I should have said Rome. Matthew asked me tonight, how many gigs I thought I'd done in my career, and do you know, I have no idea whatsoever. It could be 1 or 2 thousand, I'll never know. Aah... I just looked at my itinerary, and saw that the Bournemouth gig was on a Sunday. No big deal, but everyday's a Saturday for yours truly when we're on tour. Whey hey! Shit life!. What can I say? Mr. Maudlinnot here. I must say, if you cop that last paragraph, you should definitely apply for Mensa membership I actually remember the Nittingham (again Siuth African pronouciation) show. Fantastic catering, courtesy of the fabbo Graham and Miread, hope you read this, how are you? We also met the Chuckle Brothers, who were appearing in town.. If you don't have young kids, that means absolutely nothing. But we did meet them...honest. Some crazy hats, I remember, lots of plastic guitars, and Mr no-rythmn. He is a treasure. This guy has no sense of time whatsoever. He will always clap out of the beat, shake his head in a completely different tempo, and dance to a different tune than everyone else. I mean he pogos to In the army now.... But does he care? Does he bollocks. I tell you mate, we love you. You are a star.. Great gig as well. One thing for all you young touring bands out there. Try and get a crew as good as ours. I don't think you ever will, but you can always aspire... accept no substitute for the Supreme Team. We ripped from Nittingham to Harrogate in Yorkshire, and a mighty Beano was had by all. I remember various band members being escorted/carried or floating off the bus. I actually don't remember, as I was doing all 3, someone told me after. Harrogate, obviously a Labour stronghold (not), was a lovely place for a day off, a dead nice town, (I don't mean dead...nice), and when you're aquaplaning around, it's just right. We had the works Christmas dinner as well, a curry if you must know...What a bitch I am! The gig was quite different, it reflected the politics of the town (right on Rhino). It was almost a case of rattle your jewellry, I'm sure the Mayor was there in full regallia. Nothing wrong with that, maybe he was having a theme night. A somewhat muted response, but I'm sure they'd never seen anything like it. One thing about playing acoustically designed venues is that they seem to soak up any ambience so you don't get to hear how well you're being received, but I'm sure it was AOK VFM THINDERBIRDSAREGO (another South African spelling there). Thus endeth the umpteenth lesson. And so it came to pass that the mighty Rhino did face the test of the whirling pits, as he was sorely troubled, out of his tree, and in need of sustinence. And did the Lord provide the miracle of the tree of Earl Grey, and lo did the Rhino give thanks, brewed himself up one, and did pass out on the bed of the Best Western sea of Tranquility (sponsored by Carlsberg. Best beer in the world?) Verily I say into thee, Eat my shorts. It's like letting go now, that was the tour that was, it's over, let it go. OK, who remembers that song as if it were yesterday? Bummer eh?... Deep and meaningless here, but it's gone, know what I mean? All I can say is, here's to the next one, Let's Rock!!!! XXXX PS Big high 5 to the Dutch Nutters. Had a drink with them tonight, they told me 4500 times, it's their Reason for living, nice one guys.. PPS.Can anyone tell us what song the Germans were singing at the end of the Dusseldorf show? It was really mega, and we'd love to know what it meant! PPPS In a shameless plug for R****'* R*****, you can now buy a vast range of me-related products (4 actually) from my site. Yes, we're moving into the 21st century folks, I'm sure the Quo site will be following suit shortly, any ideas you may have for things you'd like to be able to buy, mail me. We'll see what we can do, OK? Cheers, and a belated Happy New Year from all of us to all of you. The Status Quox

All photography on this page by Barry J. Colquhoun © 2000

To the UK 2000 Tourlog: Part one    Part two     Part three    Part four

To the Oz 2000 Tourlog: Part one     Part two    Part three    Part four