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 Sometime in November 1999.... I think!Is there a Miss Twerp in the building? A Miss Ann Twerp? 'Cos that's where we are at the minute, doing "Night of the Proms" and having a great time, but more of that soon. I realise there may have been a delay in reaching you all with the Rhino Edwards Tour Log (motto: Mine's a pint thanks) part 4, UTIUK99, subsection 5676453627. This was due to: 1) Leaves on the line at Didcot. 2) World War Three. 3) I'm a right lazy git. That's right, you guessed, it was number 1, the old leaves on the line.... Sooo, the last three shows on the British UTI tour. Again I call upon my 39 steps memory man type powers of total recall e.g. "What are the 39 steps?". "I don't know, I'm a stranger here myself". That one goes out to all of you lot that have read that book. About 3 of you I'd say, but never let it be said we don't cater for minority tastes, next Log will be feature an ongoing section designed to teach you timesaving, new leisure pursuits. The 1st such course will be entitled "Teach your chicken to sew." of course, if you have no chickens, we will be offering alternatives, such as telephonic flower arranging and Igloo decorating. I would swear at myself at the moment for vacillating (that's a new hair care product I think) and writing rubbish, but I can't bring myself to say bollocks you wanker.  By the way Jenny, I am NOT a tart! I got an e-mail from the above calling me a tart, which was nice, but a tart I is not. Maybe it's 'cos she is a Watford supporter. TWFMBFC have been doing very well thank you, in response to all the nones of you who keep asking. Now, sorry to keep you, the last 3 shows, Addis Ababa, wasn't it? Aah, I hear you saying, he's such a wag, well at least it begins with a W. It was of course Brighton, home of the SMOG (smallest member of group) As is quite usual with this hall, the sound for us is thin, and the Billy seem to be quite slow to go utterly barking mad, but by the time we'd got to Burning Bridges it was the usual mayhem, pants being thrown on to the stage. I just wish some women would do it as well. This has definitely been the Mammalian Protuberances Tour (or tits to you), my, aren't some of you out there big girls, definitely ate your porridge when you was kids, ah? I'm a sucker for big tits myself, but I AM NOT A TART! Actually I am, but that's another story involving wigs and size 10 sling backs. .... Very warm show I recall, but not of one our better ones. I played my album through the PA for the 1st time for the band to listen to, it was dead weird, almost like an audition, but they gave it a thumbs up, anyway that's another story coming soon, watch this space.  Day off after Brighton, went home and collected my son Freddie to bring him out for a couple of days, so off we went to Bournemouth for the next show. A similar type venue to Brighton, about 4000 seater, lots of wood around, in theory acoustically sound, in practise not so sure. Noisier Billy than Brighton, and Francis really had a lot of charisma about him. When he's like that you think why bother, just leave it to him (God of Purley)
and save your energy, of course you don't, but he is really CLASS regularly, and those of you that haven't seen us live (in case there is anyone) miss out on that.A word about our local support band, Beyond Belief, who are definitely available for weddings, barmitzvahs, parties etc, as they're obviously a really good time band, with a lot of energy. Mind you, I don't know how much it would cost to book them as there seemed to be about 36 of them on stage! I saw a few of our World travellers at Brighton, folk from the USA, Australia (hi Mandy), South Africa, Germany, Sweden, Holland, Belgium etc. Also, I hear Holly from Canada was at Wembley, to see Quo for the first time since 1875. Hello there one and all. Then it was on to Plymouth and one of my favourite venues, best gig of tour for me a couple of years ago, and again a stormer. You can't always put your finger on the reason why you like a venue, the backstage is really stupid, the dressing rooms were designed with puppet shows in mind, cubby holes with interrogation lighting, still Freddie was keeping me busy and amused, as he did with Lyanne and Felix, that kid will be a DEVIL with the girls when he grows up, unlike his dad. A pretentious tart, moi?  Scouse Felix has now left us to work on 9 Inch Nails, big calm down and see you soon. She would have been Employee Of The Month, but the digicam had broken and there's no picture, so she's not. In fact Employee Of The Month would be Jennifer Lopez, she doesn't work for TFOGATMFB unfortunately, but here's a picture of her anyway.Plymouth. It's always raining when we play, the town's not particularly nice, the Hotel is AWFUL, just something about the audience I suspect, it's such a warm vibe. Some nutters have started throwing furry dice during Keep'em Coming, good call, in fact Keep 'em Coming! I think that's possibly the nearest we've come to a Quo classic for many a year. TMFB can write a killer song when he sets his mind to it. The local band weren't at all bad, they sounded crap at sound check, but something happened between then and show time. The singer was pointing to the side of the stage during their set saying how Status Quo had been there during their sound check, and how gobsmacked he was. We were all just behind our backdrop about 5 feet from him for most of their set, probably best he didn't know. Best bass player so far, except for me, that is. ...... Next was a day off and then the dreaded Wembley. It's not dreadful, it's just that you have so many people to see, families, friends, business people, and of course there are always the ones you don't want to see but have to be nice to, you just can't relax before the show. We all had Mums and Dads etc, it's a pain, but it's got to be done, and of course after the show, it's nice to see them. Anyway, when we got on stage, yours truly was pleased to get on stage for a break!!  But maybe I should go on stressed out more often 'cos I had an absolute Blinder! Rick had a dreadful start, one of the cables on his ear pieces had broken, and he couldn't hear anything, not the best time to get a problem like that, but he got sorted after about 4 songs, and I have to say we all thought it was Mega, one of, if not the best ever Wembleys. The crowd were fantastic, if you were there give yourselves a round of applause. My missus said it was the maddest Wembley crowd she'd ever seen, and she should know, 'cos her and the kids go crazy when we're on. Also, thanks to the opening act, they were Rubbish. No, what I mean is the band's name is The Rubbish, the first act we've ever had with a DJ, a little bit of a mismatch, but they did really well, and obviously will go a long way. Nice CD as well. Which basically brings us to the end of yet another UK tour, it always seems like it's been about a month since the last one, all that remains is for us to thank all of you lot for coming, you really are the best. It was illustrated for me when I went to see Supergrass, I thought they were pretty good, but the audience, whilst obviously enjoying themselves didn't go anything like as wild as you lot do, so much for the yoof knowing how to party. But hey, we're the ones that know, aren't we?  Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,Lots of love from your favourite uncle Rhinoidxxxxxx  PS Thanks again to Gwyn Ashton and his band. Rockin' tunes and nice geezers. PPS Be back soon with the Night Of The Proms log. PPPS Cheerfully cheesy kid plug...this is a picture of my daughter Mae, who was 8 on November 7th. Sadly I wasn't able to be there to celebrate with her, Happy Birthday Maesie Mae XXXXX.
PPPPPS (how many Pees do you need?) I've had thousands of requests about my album, and rather than answer you both separately... It's finished, well the music side of it is, we're working on the cover and release dates now, more news as soon as I know myself, but it's coming folks, honest!
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