SQ 40 Tourlog 2006 Part 7

Apparently I don't write a log, I write a blog. I met this woman on a plane and when I saw her again, she told me she'd checked out the Quo site and had quite enjoyed my blog. Which was quite nice of her. But anyway, there you have it. Welcome to Rhino's Tour Blog. New new new, that's what we all want now don't we, I mean, aren't tour logs SO 20th century. With all these bullshit new phrases and PC madness for everything, I shall be reporting in nu speak from now on, as one wouldn't want to appear passé, would one?

An evening departure from London on our bulk passenger conveyance solution(bus), operated by leading vehicular transport co-ordinator person P.Shea (driver) who of course sports a niqab 24/7 to show solidarity with Muslim women, naturally we at the board of Status Quo PLC.... That stands for Pretty Limited Combo apparently, judging by some of the garbage I've recently read on the comuunicatory solutions pages - the message board. I'll give you an example. "Even though I haven't been for 300 years I definitely shan't be going this tour because the new set is a disappointment. They're not playing my favourite song, which was the b-side of I who have nothing, or anything they've never played before and anyway I'd only go if Roy Lynes was playing keyboards naked, this is just not good enough." Just think, it could have been Centrefold we played, you'd have loved that huh? I can tell you it's well insulting to read that apparently we're taking the piss out of our audience with our new set. Thanks a lot. You want to try it?

Anyway, where was I? I was quite enjoying myself until the MB was mentioned.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by myself, we at the board of Status Quo PLC. operate a strict policy of sexual equality. After all, it's the only way to get yer end away these days innit? Apologies to all none of you offended by my last statement, but the sexual harassment and gender committee (SHAG for short) has in fact fined me 25 million quid. Hmm, that Claire Short. Hmm. Isn't it? Sorry, became Ron Manager off the Fast show there. Sometimes I get quite carried away doing this, (You should be mate) ah, that's better.

On arrival the following morning at my horizontal positional facility (bedroom) in the Nelson Mandela suite, it gradually dawned on me a) that I was in Switzerland, b) I had a performance to perform that night, and c) I was in receipt of a temporary impairment of sensory abilities (a hangover). Never mind, I proceeded to the performance area to 'ave a gander at the crowd and promptly soiled me breeches as I looked on the assembled 13000 punters/puntettes/puntpersons waiting to watch a piss taking of course performance by Status Quo PLC.

I sat and watched Thunder, a 5 person of the male gender good ol' rocking combo, excrement hot too they were. The vitamin intake solutions department (catering) was very interesting, and I surrounded Canadian Mustang, of course free-range organic caged/uncaged happy/a bit pissed off, you just have to know these things don't you nowadays, and very nice it was too. I'd had horse in France before, about 30 years ago, when it was a cheap alternative and it was gruesome, but delicious in Swotzerland (that's where the clever Swiss live) one can indeed assure you. Enough of this "ist" shit, anyway I've run out of words and brain cells in that dept. Fantastic billy we had, Jamiroqwai was coming in next day, and he'd sold 3000 in advance, aah. We LURVE you Swiss, we really do, always a great reaction, which of course makes us give it that extra something. Here's to next timexx

On to Linz in Austria, where I treated Pepsi (60p for a blog mention-that's inflation for ya) and Rossi's girl Leslie. Leslie is a Media studies teacher folks, and lists scoring amongst her hobbies. Don't know what she's scoring. Mind you that's £1.20 coming in for me so who cares? Anyway, I treated them to a beer and a piece of leberkase, which is literally liver cheese. Isn't it? Hmm, jumpers for goal posts (p94) It's really nice but I think they thought I was trying to poison them! Perish the thought, even though Pepsi moans about my singing. £1.80 now. Don't forget the date girls, when I bought you a drink. That's dinner in Zurich you owe me.

My favourite kind of show, town square, soft ticket, as in you get a lot of people who come out of curiosity, so you play to new people. There were lots of them as well, about 15000 I'd say, and in a large square it's just a great vibe, can't beat it. At the front it was mainly teenage girls, as the band on before us were Austria's' finest boy band, named US5. Say no more squire.

Next day, Graz. What can I say? Storm blew up so bad the stage was literally rocking. Luckily there was no one on it at the time, but the billy had to be moved back in case the PA blew down. Well scary, I didn't think we'd go on, playing before the mighty TOTO we were too, what a friendly bunch of persons they were. And American. Finally get on, rockin out in the Oriental, big bang, power goes. No chance of getting back on, home James. Of course they fix it after 30 minutes, Toto go on and play their full set, and the power holds. All I can say to the people there that came to see us and didn't get the full Quo show is sorry, it's a pisser for us big time. We'll make it up to you. Promise.

3 Uk shows, Falmouth castle, lovely town for a stroll (see last log) fish and chips on the quay, clotted cream teas, young lads kicking balls around isn't it? Great location for a concert looking out over the sea, (we were, the 6000 strong audience was looking at us-me especially I hope-in your dreams pal) sounds more like I've been on holiday doesn't it? Suppose I am really.

Portsmouth, a kind of stately home, but a working one. Another cool thing is that you get a part of the house for the dressing room, and can have a real snoop around when there's no one there, well I do anyway.
Never leave me alone in yer house, I'll have all the drawers open in no time. "Can you guess what little Johnny is be looking for boys and girls? Yes, that's right, he's looking for ladies' underwear, look at little Johnny with those panti"(that's enough!) Anyway, anuvver gig, I'm sure something happened there to remember, but it must have so interesting that I've forgotten it. Oh yes, me, Matt and Andrew nearly got killed when the car we were driving to the gig in took a wrong turn at speed. Thanks for that.

Lincoln Castle the next day, saw Brian and family, he's been deputising as me in Status Clone, met his lovely family, of course he's barking mad, but top feller. Finally got to Lidl and wasn't disappointed, a complete Rivet gun set for under 3 quid. If I mentioned Crapmodem and Daisy, that'd take me up to the same amount, thus giving me a de facto present of the rivet gun. But I won't mention them, so it's cost me £1.20. Hang on! Wait a rootin' tootin' minute! I just did. Thank you all so much.

Lovely day, until it started raining just before we went on. Just about got away with everybody staying dryish, though I seem to remember it started to lash it down a bit at the end. Well folks, that's the end of TPAOY, yet another tour of the tour that never ends. A bit of a break, but not for me, as Woodedz are girding their collective Edwards loins for the upcoming gigs, more about that next time. But I'm telling you now. Those that didn't go missed out. Except Quozonex of course.

Emotional solutions to y'all, Edwardsxxxxx